尚未踏入婚姻的人，總是對未來有著夢幻的崇景，覺得公主和王子以後就會幸福快樂的過一輩子；但已經結婚好一段時間的夫妻，大都會告訴你「千萬不要結婚」；也常常在身邊已婚的朋友身上看到，從婚前接起電話的甜蜜笑容，到婚後掛掉電話就大翻白眼的狀況，這中間到發生了什麼樣的誤會呢？
透過Twitter上一些已婚夫妻的發文，帶點逗趣又溫馨的生活片段，告訴你「結婚跟你想像的不一樣」。
#1
I’ve reached the point in my marriage that my husband fell asleep on the couch and OMG I AM SO EXCITED I GET THE BED ALL TO MYSELF
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) October 15, 2017
我的婚姻已經到了這個階段：老公在沙發上睡著，我竟然興奮地覺得自己可以擁有一整張床。
#2
I sent my wife a text.
Her typing bubble popped up for 10 minutes.
All she sent me was "K."
I'm as good as dead.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 16, 2017
我傳了簡訊給我老婆，她大概打了10分鐘的字，結果只傳來“K”，我超開心的！
#3
[grocery store]
me *hits back of wife's leg with the cart* Funny running into you h-
wife: Go wait in the car
me: Ok— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 12, 2017
某天在採購的時候，我不小心用推車撞到了我老婆的腳…
老婆：回去車上等
我：OK
#4
My husband wrote a note so he would remember to ask me how my hair appt went, in case you're wondering what it's like to be married 25 yrs.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) October 17, 2017
老公寫了一張字條用來提醒自己要記得問我頭髮弄得如何。這就是25年婚姻的樣子。
#5
[kids gone for the evening]
wife: DATE NIGHT???
me: DATE NIGHT!!!
[we fall asleep watching 60 minutes]— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) October 16, 2017
孩子傍晚外出了
老婆：「約會嗎？」
我：「約會！！」
（我們就看60分鐘（新聞節目）看到睡著）
#6
I picked a restaurant
- marriage sext
— Jeff⚡️ (@JeffSarcastic) July 5, 2016
「今晚我選好餐廳了。」
- 這就是婚姻中最挑逗性感的話了
#7
"I really like our fall wreath this year"
Is a thing I instinctively say because I'm finally getting good at marriage.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 11, 2017
「我很喜歡我們今年秋天的裝飾花圈」
本能地說出這句話，是因為我終於學會「婚姻」這件事了嗎？
#8
“You’re just getting in the shower NOW???” - Me to my husband 10 minutes before we’re supposed to leave for any event
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 22, 2017
「你『現在』才要去洗澡嗎？」每次出門前10分鐘，我對老公說的話。
#9
ME: we’re not getting any younger. the decisions we make now will affect our future
WIFE: *holding phone to chest* do you want guac or not?— rob HELLiott (@rockymomax) October 15, 2017
我：「我們真的不再年輕了，所有的決定都會影響我們的未來。」
老婆：把電話握在胸前「你到底要不要酪梨醬？」
#10
Relationship status: I must be the authority because my wife always questions me.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) October 11, 2017
感情狀態：我想我肯定是握有權力的一方，因為我老婆會一直質問我...。
#11
Idk how many times my wife will yell down the stairs without the kids responding
So far, it's more than 36.
— Jackson (@kerouac741) October 22, 2017
我不知道我太太到底會在樓下大吼幾次，小孩根本一點都不想理。
目前至少已經超過36次。
#12
My favorite thing about being married is having someone to follow me around and shut off all the lights in every room of the house.
— bubble girl (@JessObsess) September 28, 2017
我結婚之後最喜歡的事就是：有人一直跟著我關掉屋內每一個房間的燈。
#13
me: Good morning
wife [not talking to me because of something I said in her dream]— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 24, 2017
我：早安
老婆：(完全不跟我說話，因為我昨天在她夢中說了一些令她不開心的話)
#14
Wife: How many times have I told you NOT to use my face moisturizer as body lotion?
Me: *skin absolutely glowing* is this a trick question?— PunchyK (@AnkCoupleTO) April 19, 2017
老婆：「我跟你講過多少次，不要拿我的臉部保濕乳液去擦身體？！」
我：（肌膚閃閃發亮）「這是一個陷阱題嗎？」
#15
https://twitter.com/better_off_dad/status/919358514698555392
只有婚姻能將失蹤的鍋鏟變成一場戰爭。
Cover via : Weheartit
