許多年輕人都對「結婚」抱持著憧憬，經過浪漫的求婚後，兩人站上禮堂神聖的交換誓言，承諾要和對方互相扶持、白頭偕老，每天過著幸福快樂的日子。
但是，現實通常是殘酷的，日前 Twitter 有幾位已婚人士，就要來戳破大家的夢幻泡泡，告訴你：「這才是婚姻的真相！」
1.
所謂的浪漫約會，婚後再也不存在
「在和太太已經逛過 Target 百貨公司、Costco 和 Home Depot（家具百貨）之後...
『現在要幹嘛？」這句話，是我跟老婆在約會晚上 7 點 46 分會出現的對話。（浪漫約會變得非常實際）」
“Now what?”
- Me and my wife at 7:46pm on date night after we’ve already been to Target, Costco and Home Depot.
— dADDisms (@Beagz) November 17, 2019
2.
婚後想洗鴛鴦浴，比登天還難
「每個丈夫都幻想，和老婆到浴室洗一場『火熱』的澡。
但現實是，一起跳進浴缸裡，只會被洗澡水燙到二級燙傷。」
Every husband's fantasy: Hopping in the shower with his wife and gettin' it on.
Every husband's reality: Hopping in the shower with his wife and getting second-degree burns.
— Momtribevibe (@momtribevibe) October 25, 2019
3.
婚後，老婆愛電視比愛老公多
「我只希望我老婆能像她愛實境真人秀一樣愛我。」
I just want my wife to love me the way she loves reality television.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 7, 2019
4.
婚後，老婆最關心的是垃圾倒了沒
「我對老婆唱 Prince 的《I would die for you》，但老婆聽完後，只說句：『你真貼心。垃圾拿去倒了嗎？』」
Me singing Prince: 🎶 I would die for you 🎶
My wife: That’s so nice. Did you take out the trash?
— Eman El-husseini (@emanifique) October 1, 2019
5.
我只要還活著，其他都不值一提
「 當我不小心鋸到了自己的腿，老婆竟然說：『吃個過敏藥就好了。』」
Me: *Accidentally saws my own leg off
My wife: Just take an allergy pill— Jester D (@JustMeTurtle) November 12, 2019
6.
根本無法理解另一半對時間的把握
「 當我問：『我們十分鐘後要出門，大家都準備好了嗎？』時，孩子們都很安靜，但老公卻説：『準備好了，我只需要再除個草、拉個屎、然後快速沖個澡。』」
Me: We are leaving in 10 minutes, is everyone ready?!
Kids:
Husband: Ya, I just need to cut the grass, take a shit and have a quick shower.
— Momtribevibe (@momtribevibe) November 17, 2019
7.
結婚是鬥智的開始
「婚姻就是花好幾年的時間去觀察另一半的喜好，然後就可以點他討厭吃的東西，好讓他停止偷你的食物。」
Marriage is spending years carefully learning your spouse’s likes and dislikes so you can order things they hate and won’t steal off your plate.
— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) November 7, 2019
8.
男人對停車格有一定的執念
「抱歉我們遲到了，我老公堅持要重新開進停車場 5 次，直到他找到喜歡的停車格。」
Sorry we're late, my husband had to drive around the parking lot 5 times till he found a spot he liked.
— Momtribevibe (@momtribevibe) November 10, 2019
9.
老婆做家事的樣子最性感
「從門鈴監視器看著我老婆剷除門前走廊的雪，這比 A 片還好看。」
just watched my wife shovel the snow from our front walk via our doorbell camera and it was better than porn
— Josh the Alwrighty (@Tryptofantastic) November 11, 2019
10.
通過一片 Pizza 看清老公
「我老公自己買了一片披薩而沒有買我的份，我想我現在單身了。」
My husband stopped and got himself a slice of pizza without getting me one and I guess I’m celibate now.
— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) November 9, 2019
11.
老公睜眼說瞎話是常態
「我：警察先生，請相信我，這是別人栽贓給我的。
老婆：（從我的毯子裡拿出餅乾和 Doritos）不要再叫我警察先生了。」
Me: Officer trust me it wasn’t me someone planted...
Wife: *pulling out bags of Doritos and cookies from my blanket* STOP calling me officer
Me: ...these right here
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 19, 2019
12.
婚姻就是時刻在翻舊賬
「我對十年前說的話感到抱歉。（呵~這就是婚姻）」
“I’m sorry for what I said 10 years ago.”
~marriage
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 15, 2019
13.
老婆最大，不解釋
「我老婆半夜揍了我一拳，對她來說我完全活該，誰叫我要在她的夢裡亂來。」
My wife punched me in the middle of the night, but in her defense, I totally deserved it after doing what I did in her dream
— jordan (@jordan_stratton) November 16, 2019
14.
女人婚前婚後都很矛盾
「我：我敢確認我嫁給了全世界最難搞的男人。
另外一個我：我希望你讀我的心，得知我想要的生日禮物，毛巾要用我的方式摺，然後我需要在我的茶裡加 1% 的牛奶、咖啡裡加 2 % 牛奶。」
Me: Pretty sure I married the most difficult man to please on the planet
Also me: I want you to read my mind about what I want for birthdays, the towels must be folded my way, and I need 1% milk for my tea and 2% for coffee
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) November 8, 2019
以上，看完已婚人士們在 Twitter 上的分享，真的覺得又好氣又好笑，不過如果有這種吵吵鬧鬧、快快樂樂的婚姻，感覺也很棒呢！
Cover Art Design : Vickey
