擁有四個女兒的生活是什麼畫面？來自英國的爸爸決定在 IG 上真實呈現

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I'm not usually a sloppy bag of blubby emotions but after 4 days of not having the eldest 2 around I'm really starting to miss them. Yes they are annoying and use me as a personal slave / climbing frame. Yes they are noisy and can drive me nuts. But they are mine and life isn't quite the same without my little partners in crime. (Note to self, must read this back when they are next hacking me off - they aren't all that bad really!) @philippajames #feelingalittleincomplete #comebackallisforgiven #family #missingmygirls #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #parenting #mygirls

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Jul 25, 2016 at 12:36pm PDT

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why is it that as soon as I come through the front door, I'm immediately forced to strap on my 'parenting UN' flack jacket & hard hat and dive into conflict resolution mode? Anya and Marnie are locked in a long, drawn out battle over the disputed lands of the sofa, the sovereignty of the blanket and who has rightful ownership of the much sort after SKY remote control. Sanctions are put in place to relieve the tension but both sides are showing little willingness to back down. The situation escalates - heated worded, threats to hostages safety (soft toys, clothing, sweets). The result - the TV going off and remote is hidden (in the cutlery draw). During all this Ottie played the role of Switzerland and didn't get involved. Ban Ki-moon could learn a thing or two from me. #wheredoyouhideyourremote #UNparenting #whyamialwaysinthemiddle #familyconflictresolution #adadsworkisneverdone #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 20, 2016 at 12:42pm PDT

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Teething is now in full effect and the girls want us to know all about it. An email would have sufficed but it seems they'd rather use their voices to get the message across that they really aren't enjoying this stage of development. Its not straight screaming, it's more like the sound a wounded animal might make that just wants to end it all. I can't blame them though, it's like a mini scene from 'Alien' in there at the moment, just in very very slow motion (and of course teeth don't then go on to kill you and the crew of your ship so a few subtle differences but essentially the same). #canyoubulkbuybonjela #teethinglikealien #twins #thisisntfunforanyone #doubleteethingisnotdoublethefun #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #daddydentist

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Sep 21, 2016 at 1:06pm PDT

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I'm so close and yet so far.It's been a long week and I now have no idea what time of the day it is as my body clock is screwed. To top it all, im stuck in dubai for 3 hours - im in travelling purgatory with free champagne. No doubt as soon I get in through the door tomorrow Clemmie will tag out and drop 4 kids on me at which point I hope they'll give me a big hug. But I bet you within 30 seconds of that they'll be hacking my case open, rummaging for presents. It's OK, I know my role, I'm essentially a very expensive courier service that carries goods from far off places directly into their hands. I'm coming for you team hooper! See you for breakfast and kisses. #getmeoutofhere #imcominghome #dubai #imdefinitelynotgoingtorememberwichtwiniswhich #travellingpurgatory #mygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #loungelife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 1, 2016 at 1:57pm PDT

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If there is one thing that us dads are good for its being used as a mobile human climbing frame. We're practicing our routine for britain's got talent, the talent being how many family members can hang off me (kind of a real life buckaroo game) before I slip a disc and crumple into a pathetic mess crying like a child who's grazed their knee for the first time. Now all I need it for @mother_of_daughters to get on my back and the twins to rest of my shoulders and the award is surely mine. Come see us on the BGT tour next year. #dadclimbingframe #buckaroo #whyisitalwaysmedoingthis #backofan80yearold #thighsofapowerlifted #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Sep 8, 2016 at 12:51pm PDT

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Someone call crime watch! I took this picture of a guy getting mugged in broad day light today. The 2 confidence tricksters are known in the local area and ply their trade by pretending to love their victims and then, when their guard is down, scratching their faces to pieces, pulling their hair and dribbling on them until they are given milk or rice cakes. The suspects are described as looking exactly the same, to the degree that their father cant tell them apart. They are around 2.5 ft tall, talk with a strange accent and are incredibly cute. Some previous victims had said they smell like a childrens play centre toilets but that has yet to be confirmed. #muggedbybabies #twins #parentinginjuries #thelmaandlouiseinthemaking #callcrimewatch #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 6, 2016 at 1:17pm PDT

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we have A LOT of toys for the girls. Some hand-me-downs, some brand new. We offer up the hand made, ethically sourced, non toxic, bespoke blocks made from organic, carbon offset wood, lovingly sourced from Norway. They look down their nose at them with disgust, decide they're tosh and toss them to one side. Then they go on a rampage to find keys, my wallet, my phone, anything that resembles a remote control and plastic packaging. If that fails, they bug me until i give up the goods. Many mornings, you'll find me running around the house, quietly cursing the babies, who've hidden my cash / debit card and /or keys. guess I should get used to this as I hear teenage girls take the same stuff. #stophidingmyshit #pointlessexpensivetoys #allthebabieswantismywallet #girlstakemystuff #ishouldgetusedtoit #fatherofdaughters#dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 27, 2016 at 12:31pm PDT

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Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the 'man zone'. I've become so used to sleeping on this limited area of bed real estate, that I'm confident that I could sleep on top of a wall & not fall off. On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long, kneeing me in the back and generally complains about me coming to bed too late, being too cold or my foot encroaching onto her territory. At least the bed's nice and warm, even if the reception isn't sometimes! I hope that next Sunday, on #NationalLieInDay, I'll not only gain another hour in bed, but more space - but it's doubtful ! If you want to regain that hour (and some space for that matter) click in the link in my bio, loads of great prizes to be won @SimbaSleep #bedrealestate #livingontheedge #girls #twins #daughters #therestoomanygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #gopro

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 23, 2016 at 12:00pm PDT

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So our little family dynamics experiment begins. The girls left for #campbestival at 7am all excited (which will turn into the being annoying after about 10 mins in the car) so the twins and I are fending for ourselves. I'm sure this whole festival was orchestrated basically to test whether I can keep 2 babies alive, not trash the house and pack for holiday without assistance - we'll see........Dad rules have been invoked. ice cream for breakfast anyone? #dadrules #soloparenting #clemmieismoreexcitedthanthekids #festivalwidower #meandmygirls #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #twins

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Jul 28, 2016 at 11:44pm PDT

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Reading at bed time can be a pain in the ass, especially when you've got 'important' adult things to do, but that's no excuse to not to do funny voices for the characters in the story. But what if you didn't do them? They may lose interest and decide books are boring. They may not read much as they grow up, leaving them intellectually and culturally stunted. They might jack in school and start hanging with the wrong crowd. They may end up in a dead-end job they hate and drink too much. They may get evicted from their 1 bed squat and end up living under a bridge, sniffing stolen marker pens with a guy called crazy bob who eats pigeons. For the love of the children, DO THE VOICES! #thiscoulddefinitelyhappen #toofarperhaps #bedtime #thebfgisdefinitelyfromthewestcountry #timetopullonmyaleveldramaskills #likeanaudiobookbutlive #thinkofthekids #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Sep 12, 2016 at 12:37pm PDT

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Today I learnt a hell of a lot about nappies while at the @pampersus R&D facility in Germany. Did you know that in 5 years nappies will be self tightening like those Nike shoes in back to the future and have little LED read outs? Also they can hold a pint of liquid without creating a huge Bulge like an old man's crotch region? No? Well, I just made all that up, but the work that goes into keeping our little ones dry is pretty amazing. Think about it the next time you're changing a nappy and don't take it for granted. 10,000 people contributed to reducing your stress levels when dealing with a poo-nami. Cheers science people. #todayilearntaboutnappies #germansknowhowtododesign #theytesteverything #pampers #strangeworkday #fatherofdaughters #instadad #ad #dadlife

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 12, 2016 at 1:19pm PDT

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There used to be a time when Fridays nights meant going out drinking with friends and waking up with a hangover that that would require surgery to remove. However Marnie came home today with the dreaded bi-annual "There are nits / lice going around at school" letter, so our Friday nights are now spent carrying out small scale genocide on colonies of unwanted scalp intruders. @mother_of_daughters & I will now spend the rest of the evening quietly observing each other to see which one of us start scratching our heads first whilst mentally cursing all children everywhere. Awesome. #betteryoustartscratchingafterreadingthis #fridaynightarentwhattheyusedtobe #parenting #keepingitreal #nits #dotheyevenhaveapurpose #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 18, 2016 at 1:02pm PST

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Delilah shrieking with glee as her older sisters teach her how to trash a room In under a Minute (an important skill when you're a kid) What you don't see here is me encouraging them and @mother_of_daughters having heart palpitations at the horror of things being out of place with no order (she's on the OCD spectrum for sure). What's life if you can't make a mess and have fun doing it now and again. Beer time ....... #messwontkillyou #teaching #lifelessons #dadlife #fatherofdaughters #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Jun 25, 2016 at 12:04pm PDT

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Day 2 since the clocks changed and the girls are still not adjusted (anyone else struggling with this?!) So at 6.30am, while Ottie & Delilah studied 'farm yard biology for beginnners' with mixed success (I said point to the cow, they laughed, clapped & crawled off to chew stuff in the bin), Marnie provided me with a fluid stream of incomprehensible child brain rambling for 5 mins straight at max volume (without noticeably breathing). Morning voices seem not to exist in our house. All this while @mother_of_daughters hid in the shower. Clever woman. #leavethebinalone #hideintheshower #halfofwhatshesaidwerejustrandomwords #myearsarebleeding #morning #maxvolumetalking #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 1, 2016 at 1:28pm PDT

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In a house of 5 women, the one thing a need more of is noise. Just in case you didn't get it, I'm being sarcastic. So imagine my delight when anya was allocated the trumpet at school to take home and practice. Granted she's not bad and I want to encourage music, but couldn't she have had something electric that has headphones?! Off to go and sound insulate the bedroom and stock up on ear plugs. #itsnoiseyhere #music #practicemakesperfect #trumpet #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on May 18, 2016 at 12:10pm PDT

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Day 1 complete of #dadtakeover and the house hasn't fallen down and ottilie and delilah haven't gone off the rails and got tattoos or anything (although might make it easier to tell them apart). We spent the day conversing about art, politics and fine foods - seems that their preference is sweet potato and apple mush. Learnt my lesson and used a proper bowl and my #dadlife apron for feeding, still went everywhere - I'll clean up tonight, probably. Bring on day 2. #whatsallthefussabout #lifewithoutmywife #haventspokentoanadultforawhile #day1complete #twins #sp #instadad #fatherofdaughters #stokkeadventures

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Jul 30, 2016 at 1:42am PDT

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After long day of walking around and playing, The twins needed a bath and I needed a wash so day 2 of #dadtakeover ended like this. (I dont run baths just for myself...I'm a man after all). In theory this sharing of a bath was a good idea. In reality it felt like I was an uninvited blue whale who'd gatecrashed a private spa for small people. If looks from babies could kill, I'd have been dead for sure. Strategically placed flannels were used in the taking of this picture. (And yes I took the picture on a tripod before people ask! Im on my own!) On to day 3. #uninvitedbluewhale #bathtime #yesthishappened #yesitookthisphotograph #family #notsuchagoodidea #twins #parenting #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Jul 30, 2016 at 11:32am PDT

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The 3rd and final day of #dadtakeover and operation deep-clean is in full effect. (Basically got to make it look like all the jobs I was supposed to do are actually done). That means everything has to be clean, and I mean everything. Don't worry I'm not a monster - I put them on a low temp slow spin cycle. They now smell like fabric conditioner but that's better than before. Putting them in the tumble dryer was a step too far so now got to air dry them before they other girls get home. NOTE: don't actually put your baby in a washing machine, that's mental. #willthelinetaketheirweight #theyrecominghome #airdrying #washing #twinssmellofleonor #twins #dadwin #instadad #dadlife #fatherofdaughters #parenting

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Jul 31, 2016 at 1:11am PDT

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I'm back and it's like I was never away. Clemmie surprised me with the news that we needed to go over to a 1st birthday party after 23 hours of travelling so I strapped on my 'I can deal with anything' underpants, whacked on the cheapo sunglasses (my eye bags weigh more than the 40kg weight allowance on the flight home) and got on the train with my girl gang. Of course, all eyes were on us but we're used to it now. Yes we have 4 kids. We are loud, yes our babies cry a bit and yes, we take up a lot of space. We're team Hooper - This is what we do! BTW What is the point of a scooter which your child insists on bringing if you have to then carry the sodding thing around all day?! #reunited #nothingschangedandiloveit #whattimeofthedayisit #glassesfusedtomyface #uselessscooter #teamhooper #girlgang #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 2, 2016 at 1:11pm PDT