有聽過 “ Baby Fever ” 嗎？不是指小嬰兒在發燒，而是指看到可愛的嬰兒時突然有生小孩的衝動，都要怪社交媒體，充斥著那些明星網紅寶寶的照片。
然而，現實總是殘酷的，這些帳號才不會告訴你育兒的辛酸（如果有你也會忽略），那些可愛的嬰兒總有一天會變成要求多多、喜怒無常的小惡魔。
需要証據嗎？這些真實父母的日常便是最佳証明。看完後，生小孩的衝動是否瞬間減少了許多？
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「嗨，我是位媽媽，我的興趣是遲到和對我的小孩大吼，因為我們真的遲到了。」
Hi, I’m a mom.
My hobbies include running late and yelling at my kids because we are running late.— Tortured by Toddlers (@TorturedByTots) October 3, 2019
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樂高的發明者：我真是個天才！
樂高的發明者生育後： 我真是⋯噢⋯噢⋯個蠢材⋯噢！
Inventor of Legos: I'm a GENIUS!
Inventor of Legos, after having kids: I'm...OW!...an...OW!...IDIOT!...OWW!
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) September 30, 2019
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[禮拜中途]
五歲的小孩：我想去上廁所。
我： 為什麼不在到教堂之前去呢？
五歲的小孩：我那時候沒有那麼無聊。
[middle of church]
5-year-old: I have to go potty.
Me: Why didn't you go before church?
5: I wasn't bored then.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2019
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「真正的鬼屋應該是一群孩子跟在你後面，一直問各種『為什麼』，你答完再問，然後他們會隨機發脾氣。」
A real haunted house would have a bunch of kids following you around asking random questions and then asking why? right after you answer it, and toddlers randomly throwing tantrums.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 8, 2019
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我：為什麼你的頭髮這麼黏？
女兒： 糖漿。
我： 對喔。
Me: Why is your hair so tangled?
Daughter: Syrup
Me: Right— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 10, 2019
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「如果你在一片四下無人的森林裡打開一塊糖果，你的小孩需要多少時間出現在你面前然後問你在吃什麼呢？」
If you open a candy bar wrapper in the middle of a forest with nobody around, how long until your children show up and ask what you’re eating?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 12, 2019
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這世上有兩種喪屍：
1/ 不死族
2/ 家長
There are two types of zombie
1. The undead
2. Parents
— Autumn Flavoured Greg (@DaddyGrownup) October 7, 2019
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小孩：我的三明治裡太多花生醬了。
我：（弄了新的）
小孩：這個太少花生醬了。
我：（弄了個剛好的）
小孩：我不喜歡花生醬了。
Kid: My sandwich has too much peanut butter on it.
Me: *makes new sandwich*
Kid: This one has too little.
Me: *makes one just right*
Kid: I don’t like peanut butter anymore.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 9, 2019
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7 歲小孩： 晚餐吃什麼？
我： 如果你保證不投訴的話，我便告訴你。
7 歲小孩：（走開了）
7-year-old: What's for dinner?
Me: I'll tell you if you promise not to complain.
7: *walks away*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 8, 2019
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「每次小孩向我要求什麼，而我嘆氣回應的話，她便會說『耶！』，因為她知道她已將我打敗了。」
When my 10yo asks for something and I just give a huge sigh, she says “Yay!” because she knows she’s already won.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 9, 2019
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「六成家長的日常飲食便是他們小孩吃剩的東西，另外四成是喝酒和咖啡」
60% of a parents diet is eating their child’s leftovers.
The other 40% is wine and coffee, depending on who you ask.
— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) October 5, 2019
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「我用牙齒撕開一包水果軟糖，像一個士兵啓動一隻手榴彈一樣，然後丟給我的小孩，再躲到浴室。
如果這聽起來很怪，顯然你沒有小孩。」
I just tore off the top of a fruit gummy packet with my teeth like a soldier pulling a pin out of a grenade. Then I threw it across the room to my kid and hid in the bathroom.
If you think this sounds weird, you probably don't have kids.
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) October 9, 2019
Art Design : Vickey
