有人說,婚姻是愛情的墳墓,或許,這句話形容得有些嚴重,但不論如何,更重要的,是相愛的彼此能找到舒服的平衡點,透過不斷地溝通與包容、攜手共度難過,讓一段關係持續穩定下去。
然而,結婚後的生活到底是怎麼樣?似乎是許多情侶再步入婚姻渴望想聽到的答案。不同於過去愛情專家的經驗談,網友們逗趣地分享自己的婚後生活,相信你看完後,多少都有個「底」了。
#1
看誰先離開座位
我:(沈默)
我的妻子:(沈默)
我:(沈默)
我的妻子:(沈默)
我:(直到你起身離開座時)
我的妻子:既然你站起來了,(幫我拿…)
Me:
My wife:
Me:
Wife:
Me:
Wife:
Me:
Wife:
Me: (stands up)
Wife: While you’re up....— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 12, 2019
#2
他永遠在找自己的東西
我先生:「你有沒有動我的… ?沒事了,我找到了。」
這句話每天反覆出現在我們的婚後日子。
My husband: “Did you move my... ? Never mind I found it.
–Repeat every day for our entire marriage.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 19, 2019
#3
空間不是一人一半
太可愛了!我老公天真地認為,衣櫥有一半的空間是屬於他的。
It’s cute how my husband thought he’d get half the closet.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) June 10, 2019
#4
婚後生活趨近平淡
我告訴我先生,我今天心情很差。但這不是真的,只因為每當我心情不好時,他都會帶我外出用餐。當你的婚姻已經超過 27 年,你必須學會一些(話術)技巧。
I told my husband I was sad today. It's not true but when I'm sad he takes me out to dinner. When you've been married for 27+ years you learn a thing or two.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) June 6, 2019
#5
老婆說的永遠是對的
我的妻子:我們這個假期要好好地放鬆,不要計劃太多的行程。
這也是我的妻子:今天我們要去上棕櫚葉編織的課程,其次是教初學者的浮潛,還有學一堂烹飪課,之後,我們要快一點,才能趕上欣賞日落。
My wife: we’re going to relax this vacation and not plan too many activities
Also my wife: today we are going to a palm frond macrame class, followed by bathtub snorkeling for beginners, a how-to-hibatchi course then we have to hurry so we can watch the pineapples grow by sunset
— Josh Pivots Slowly (@Tryptofantastic) June 18, 2019
#6
賴床的差別待遇
當我的老婆早上還想再多睡一點時:
我:(踮腳走路,和小孩輕聲細語,穿著襪子在屋裡輕輕地走,直到出門才穿鞋子。)
當我早上還想再多睡一點時:
妻子大喊:有沒有人要喝果昔?(搭配果汁機的聲音)
Mornings when my wife can sleep in:
Me: [tiptoeing around, whispering to kids, wearing only socks until I leave the house]
Mornings when I can sleep in:
Wife: DOES ANYONE ELSE WANT A SMOOTHIE [sound of blender]
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 20, 2019
#7
婚後的生活多半是在等待
如果你仔細看婚姻合約上的內容,有一條項目是規定說,老公要花一生 40%的時間,坐在車子裡看耐心地等待妻子。
If you look very closely at a marriage license, there's a clause saying that the husband shall spend 40% of his time sitting in the car patiently waiting
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) June 20, 2019
#8
最接地氣的甜蜜情話
老公:你從哪買到這件背心運動內衣?
我:(誘惑性地低語)好市多。
老公:你還買了什麼?
我:我還幫你買你了啤酒和衛生紙。
老公:閉嘴,快來吧!
這是屬於已婚人士的鹹濕對話。
Husband: Oooh, where'd you get this lacy sportsbra?
Me: *seductively whispers* Costco
H: Ooh what else?
Me: I got you beer and toilet paper too.
H: Shut up and take me now.
And that my friends is married people dirty talk.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) June 24, 2019
#9
不再適合半夜跑趴的日子
我和我老公都很喜歡去參加或是舉辦派對,我的意思是,在晚上八點打開 Netflix,希望能在接下來的半小時保持清醒。
My husband & I like to party & by party I mean turn on Netflix around 8pm & hope to stay awake for a half hour.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 27, 2019
#10
浪漫前的小準備
為了慶祝我們的結婚紀念日,我和先生決定要特別浪漫地度過,於是,我們先吞下 Excedrin Migraine 藥片(偏頭痛止痛片)。
For our anniversary, my husband and I decided to be extra romantic, so we are sharing a glass of water to wash down our Excedrin Migraine pills.
— Stacey (@skittle624) June 18, 2019
#11
每次上完廁所的習慣動作
我老婆出門了,然後我徹底瘋了。接下來的幾天,我上完廁所,馬桶坐墊都不用再放下來了。
The wife’s out of town and I’ve gone completely wild. The toilet seat has been up for DAYS.
— The Untastic Mr. Fitz (@UnFitz) May 29, 2019
#12
不是每分每秒都專注在婚姻上
我:(思考事情)
妻子:你剛剛說什麼?
ME: *thinks something*
WIFE: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 2, 2019
Cover Art Design:Alice